We won't sleep together?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
