3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
