Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
