I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
