So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize
