Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
And then he peed in my hair
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