Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
