so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
