Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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