Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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