I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
