i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm getting married
To pizza
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
