i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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