I will die if light touches me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
