I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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