mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
