Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
