And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
