I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You made out with two different species that night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize