mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
