I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
