The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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