You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
