im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
