i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
