I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
