onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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