yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
