So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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