my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
this is an emotional support booty call
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
