then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
