apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
