You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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