I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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