Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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