I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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