Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
