My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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