Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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