Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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