Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The struggles of a small town man whore
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
