I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
