I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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