my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
