so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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