It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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