PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
