Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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