So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
