I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
