I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
