I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
3pm strippers are depressing
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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