why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In other news, I just burned my penis
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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