My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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