I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
