You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
