nut hugger
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
