her vagine was all disorganized.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
