i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
