Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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