Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
