Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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