okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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