Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
