Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
