im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
