Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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