i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
