vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
