Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
