hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
