btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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