why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
